Nicole Smith

Difficult Decision Made

There comes a time in all of our lives when we are forced to make a difficult decision. At those times, you have to weigh both sides of the issue. A rash decision cannot be made. You have to reflect on the things that are bothering you in order to make the best possible informed decision.

I know some people are concerned about me and how I’m going to help my family get by now that I’ve resigned from my previous place of employment. Well, with the pay issues that I was experiencing, my resignation has no effect on the family, at least not yet. I know in a month, it could be a different story, but right now, the only thing that has changed is that I’m not getting up in the morning and working.

It’s a shame that I had to do what I did because I really enjoyed my work. I took pride in it. Even so, just because you like the work you do, and you’re good at it, it doesn’t always mean that the company is the best place for you to be. Sometimes that can be a very difficult distinction to make, but one that is necessary in order to remain true to your self and your family.

My decision truly was not an easy one. In fact, one of the hardest parts was telling two people that I answered to that I was done. I didn’t want to make their lives more difficult. I didn’t want to create more stress for them. It upset me a great deal to tell them I could no longer work with them. Believe me, I tossed and turned the entire night before. My mind kept playing over everything that I’ve seen, heard and experienced. No matter what I did, I couldn’t turn my brain off.

A few of you know that the past two and a half months have been rough for me. I’ve had to go to the emergency room three different times because of one thing or another. I’ve been really sick. The last time was the worst. I ended up dehydrated and on an IV because I could not keep one thing down. I’d lost weight, which isn’t entirely a bad thing, but the way it happened was.

In addition to my health issues, I had the stress of the holidays and not having enough money to give my kids the type of Christmas I wanted them to have. I had to worry about not being paid on time. I had to worry about missing time from work because of a power outage. (I was without power for six days.)

Last week was the hardest time of all over the past two and a half months. My husband’s Grammie was killed when she was struck by a logging truck while on her way to check her mail. It wasn’t the driver’s fault. John’s Grammie didn’t hear him or see him when she stepped into the road. He did all he could to stop. None of us in the family blame him for what happened. We know he did all that he could for her. We also know that he has to live with the things that he saw for the rest of his life. That’s not something anyone should have to live with. Even so, we are heartbroken that we had to lose such an amazing woman in such a tragic way.

John’s Grammie was very special to so many people, me included. She had, I believe, 6 children, 19 grandchildren, 56 great-grandchildren and three great-great-grandchildren. You add in all the spouses and that’s one big group of people that cared about her. Through all of us, her legacy will on.

Part of her legacy was teaching all of us to never give up, to live our lives as best that we can, to make the most out of hard situations, to appreciate every moment that we are given on this Earth and to tell those around us that we love them.

Because of the lessons she taught us, I realized that decisions had to be made regarding my job. Last week I had not made any final decisions, but the thoughts were in the back of my mind. Things this week just clenched the idea for me. It was not a spur of the moment decision, but one that was weighed carefully.

My decision was partially based on the stress that I’ve been under because I couldn’t pay my bills on time. My stress was also partially due to the fact that our cupboards were near empty. I kept feeling like I was failing my family because I wasn’t bringing in the money that I was supposed to in order to help provide for the things in life that we need.

When I get stressed, I get moody, which in turn effects my family. That’s not fair to them. Why should they have to be subjected to that? They shouldn’t. It’s my fault for allowing my self to be that way. The best way to cut out that stress was to remove myself from the situation that was causing it.

Another reason for the decision I made was that I was losing all of my self-respect. I felt like a doormat. I don’t like being walked on. I knew the situation would not change though, so I had to change my involvement in it.

One thing I want to say is this. I will miss working with all of you. (You know who you are.) I’ve met some truly talented people and made some great friends. I’ve honed my writing skills. (They aren’t perfect, but they are a lot better than they were.) I loved the team atmosphere that we had. I loved knowing we were all working towards a common goal. I won’t soon forget any of it.

I do not look at my situation as the end of something. I look at it as the beginning of something new. I look at it as the next chapter in the book of my life. I look at it as taking a new fork in the road. I look at it as a necessary move that I had to make. Sure, it would be easy for me to let my anger and disappointment consume me, but I won’t. I’ve decided to take the high road, the one less traveled by some people.

As far as future employment goes, I still have my work at a pizza dough production company that I’ve been with since 2003. Among my duties there, I maintain our HACCP program, which I created several years ago. I know the work I do there is appreciated. It’s not overlooked and I’m always paid every Tuesday, without fail, sometimes earlier if it falls on a holiday.

I also have applications in to several places. Right now, it’s just a waiting game to hear back from them. I have no doubt that I will find other jobs to fill the void. I’m confident that my family will make it through this.