The Evolution of Nikki

Archive for February, 2009

On February 23, my good friend wrote a blog post called When the Universe Speaks. In the post, she encouraged each of us to take 20 minutes and watch the video below. So I did. I was absolutely blown away by the words that Elizabeth Gilbert spoke.

When I write, I often feel as though I’m not in control of what is being written, like someone else has the reigns and I’m just conduit for the words that flow from my fingertips. To those that don’t write, this is a hard concept to understand. More often than not, if you tell someone, “Oh, I just had an argument with my character,” they’re going to think you are crazy and try to find the nearest psychiatric hospital to admit you to. For those of us who understand that concept, Elizabeth Gilbert’s words make perfect sense. They vocalize what many of us feel on a day-to-day basis.

There have been nights when I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep and I’m woken up at 1:00 in the morning because my characters want to have a heart-to-heart. Now don’t get me wrong, when I’m well-rested, I love talking to them and hashing out an idea that sounds interesting. But when you have a 17-month-old baby who gets up three to four times a night, a gab session in the wee hours of the morning is not the most appealing thing. However, when my characters want to talk, there’s no dissuading them. They will continue to nag me, making me toss and turn until it’s time to get up.

I’ve had people in my life that don’t understand that I can’t turn off my creative process. I can’t stop writing. I can’t stop seeing these ideas in my head. I have to write. If I don’t, I have all of these images bouncing around inside there. There have been times I’ve gotten headaches because I’m thinking too much about these ideas. During some of those moments, I sat down and wrote and before I knew it, my headache was gone. You can call me crazy if you want to, but it’s true.

Now I encourage those of you who read my post to please spend 20 minutes watching the video below. I’m sure you’ll find it as inspiring and thought provoking as I and many others did.

My aunt sent me the link to this Nick Vujicic video this morning and I am not ashamed to say, as I watched it, I cried. This guy is inspiring. Wow! What a great message to send to people.

Keep a tissue handy. You might need it.

If you’d like to learn more about Nick, then visit his site Life Without Limbs

When you were a child, did you ever have a dream for yourself? I did. I think most people do. I may have shied away from the truth of my dream for a very long time, but no matter where my life took me, and the circumstances I faced, my dream burned deep within me. It was just waiting for the right moment to burst forth and take shape and burn bright. I had no control over when that would happen though.

Unlike many of my peers, I chose a different path to take with my life. At sixteen, I was not out partying, doing drugs, getting drunk. I had a few boyfriends, but nothing serious. I was depressed though and became very sick. I fell behind in school. When I was able to go back, I just didn’t care to. I had been through so much at the hands of my fellow classmates that I just wanted to escape it all. I wanted to put that part of my life behind me and face forward. I didn’t want the burden of that time in my life to rest on my shoulders anymore. I knew if I stuck it out, there was a very good chance that I would not make it.

With the love and support of my parents, I withdrew myself from high school with the promise that I would get my GED, keep my job and get my license. All of which I did. Deep down in their hearts, they knew my decision was the best one that I could make for me. Yes, some people criticized them for allowing me to withdraw, I’m sure, but when it came down to it, keeping their daughter alive was their goal, not getting the approval of other parents.

I met the man that I would marry at fourteen for a brief five minutes, but it wasn’t until I was seventeen that we started talking. Shortly after the New Year, in 2002, I gave birth to my daughter, Mikala. My life changed profoundly from the moment I found out I was pregnant with her and it has continued to since her birth.

Many people assume that once you become a parent, your right to follow any dreams that you have becomes null and void. Because of the actions of some parents, who forget they have a responsibility to their children, other parents that want to be successful and be somebody face judgment and ridicule that is often unfair.

Over the past few seasons of American Idol, I’ve seen more and more parents audition and make it through. To me, that is inspiring. They don’t seem like bad parents. They seem like parents that want to make a better life for their children, to give them all that they can in life. Are they wrong for choosing this path? No, I don’t believe so.

I believe each of these contestants is setting an example for generations to come. I believe they are showing that it’s okay to dream. It is okay to chase after what you want in life as long as you don’t forget your children, as long as you continue to be responsible for them.

Over the past few years, I’ve had the chance to see my dream begin to grow and become a fire burning inside of me. I can feel the heat of that dream every day. It doesn’t dissipate when I go to sleep at night. It doesn’t dissipate no matter what I do. My mind is always searching for food for that dream, for that fire. Water does not douse it. Nothing does. If someone implies my dream won’t come true, the fire surges forth and grows in intensity.

Had I not had certain inspirations in my life at certain times, I don’t believe that fire would have grown when it did. It took precise moments in time to influence me. Those moments will forever be etched in my mind. To those that gave me inspiration, I’m forever grateful.

I’ve been able to see my dream come intro fruition. It has been a stressful road at times, but one that I would not change for anything. I believe everything that has happened, has happened at the exact moment it was supposed to. As I sit here, I’ve had some unique experiences with my writing. I’ve seen articles published. I’ve had friends ask me to write things for their sites. I’ve liveblogged a television show that ultimately played a huge factor in achieving my dream.

Yes, I’m a mom of two, beautiful children, but I’m not going to turn my back on my dream. I’m going to keep working at it. I’m going to continue to better myself. I’m going to set a positive example for my children that with a lot of hard work, dedication and tenacity, they can achieve their dreams too.

I want my children to see me as not only their mom, but as a role model, someone to look up to and aspire to be like. I don’t want them to be afraid of following their heart. As long as they aren’t hurting me, our family or others, then I want them to be confident and believe in themselves and reach for the stars.

If you are a parent, and have a dream burning inside of you, you need to listen to it. At the same time though, you need to remember your kids. You can’t forget the role they have in your life and the role you have in theirs. Being successful at your dream does not mean you are a bad parent. You can make things happen if you want them to. Don’t let others beat you down and make you feel like you are making a bad choice. Stay true to yourself and always believe.