The Evolution of Nikki

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Yes, you read that right.  It’s snowing out and it’s not even November yet. I tried to convince myself those fluffy, white flakes falling from the sky were just a figment of my overactive imagination…or that the sky was falling. But when they hit my skin I knew it was true. Now I’m just hoping that Halloween night isn’t a cold, wet mess. *crosses fingers*

As if the snow wasn’t bad enough, my buddy Nick Denmon told me to go out and take a picture  of it and then write up a blog post. How nice of him to send me out in the cold to freeze my ass off just so he can be reminded of what snow is since he lives in Florida and can’t remember. I suppose in a few months I’ll be asking for him to take a picture of what sun and sandy beaches looks like.

Anyway, here’s the photo.

Growing up I always heard stories from older adults about where they were when JFK was shot. So many of them could remember the tiniest details from that day as though it just happened and not years before. I never thought I’d be one of those people who could recollect a moment so clearly. But I am, just like so many others.

9/11 is a day that none of us will ever forget.

I remember being woken up with a phone call from my boyfriend at the time, telling me that the World Trade Centers had been bombed. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and hobbled downstairs and turned on the TV. My brother was home that day and he and I sat there the entire morning, watching in stunned silence, tears falling, mouths agape, as TV anchors revealed the North Tower had not been bombed but that a plane had struck it. He and I watched the second plane hit. And in that moment I felt a part of me start to die inside.

When the towers fell I felt a change within myself. Gone was the little girl who still lived inside me and in her place was an adult.

Before that day I was still pretty naive about the world and the people in it. I never gave much thought to what was going on in other countries. I was too consumed with my life. But when those towers fell, everything changed.

In those moments I felt like the worst person on Earth.

See at that time I was pregnant with Mikala. I was about 20 weeks along, and was just starting to feel her move inside me — those first flutters that we women wait anxiously for.

The events of 9/11 made me ask myself how could I bring an innocent baby into this world and protect her when there are people on this planet who are hell bent on destroying life? I felt so helpless and scared. The last thing I wanted was something to happen to her for she was already a huge part of me.

Now here it is ten years later and I still feel that same sense of dread and heartache when I think about that day and all of the lives lost. My heart hurts for all of those who lost loved ones, for the children who lost their parents, grandparents…whose innocence was destroyed.

Over the years I’ve made attempts to watch various documentaries on that fateful day and every time I do, I get sick to my stomach just like I felt that morning and usually end up crying.

I don’t think that feeling will ever go away…for me or anyone else. It will always be a part of us. It’s been weaved into the fabric of who we are. It’s story I share with my daughter, and eventually my son, so they understand what that day meant and how it affected everyone in our country and around the world.

To those of you who lost someone that day, my thoughts are prayers are with you. *hugs*

Four years ago today I welcomed my second child, Blake-Joseph Wynter, into this world in the wee hours of the morning. Since that day, he’s been a whirlwind of activity, keeping me on my toes at all times. Life with him, and his sister, is never dull.

I knew from the moment I found out I was pregnant with Blake that he was going to be a handful in comparison to his sister. After months of morning sickness, backaches, dehydration, kidney pain, you name it, I welcomed my handsome little boy into this world.

The first time I held him in my arms, just after he took his first breath, I was in awe…and in love. I never got the chance with his sister to hold her right after her birth due to complications in utero. And it’s something that saddens me everytime I think about it. With Blake, I had that chance, and I’ll never forget it.

I’ll also never forget Mikala walking into that delivery room not long after her brother was born, crawling up onto that bed with me and holding her brother for the very first time. The smile that spread across her face was like a thousand little stars twinkling. I was overcome with love for my two precious angels, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank the powers that be for bringing them both into my life, even if they do stress me out sometimes.

So my little Binkle Bean, momma loves you so very much and I hope this next year is a great one for you. And just think, next year you start kindergarten. You’re not my baby boy anymore. You’re my little man, my precocious, wisecracking handful of a son who I would not change even if I could. I love you, handsome!

Love always and forever,

Mommy

The thought of flooding from Hurricane Irene worried me because I’ve seen the damage it can cause firsthand, but I was a bit excited for her to hit, as twisted as that sounds. (See photo to the left of what flooding did to this area several years ago.)

I, like others I know, get a kick out of storms. I’m in awe of them. I love the way storms make the air feel. I love what they do to the sky and the way they make trees dance in the wind, so that’s what I was excited to see.

Unfortunately, Irene didn’t really amount to much where I live. Sure, we lost power, and a few trees got knocked down, but looking around, there was far less damage than I had originally anticipated. We receive bigger whoopings from our infamous Noreasters and spring rainstorms. This was more of a yawn, at least to me. And yes, if you feel the need to call me crazy, go ahead. I never claimed I was normal.

Anyway, that being said, losing power for almost two days SUCKED. A sponge bath just does not compare to a shower.

Our power was finally restored this morning, and I could not have been happier. I hate to admit it, but I was tired of reading. I did, however, read a fantastic story. Model Agent by Sean Sweeney was a very enjoyable read and I did not want to put it down. (Review coming soon.)

So to those of you still without power, I empathize and hope it is restored soon.

It’s been several weeks since I posted on here, so I figured this morning was a good time to rectify that.

As the title suggests, this month has been CRAZY. But not in a bad way. Sure, there have been moments that have made me want to pull my hair out, but for the most part, it’s been a fantastic month.

First, I set a goal back in January to lose some weight. I wanted 2011 to be a time of change for me, so I figured that was a great goal. I actually met my first weight loss goal a couple weeks ago. And I am beyond thrilled. I still want to lose some more. I actually have a wedding to attend in November, and I want to be able to wear a dress I feel good in and that makes me feel pretty. I don’t get a lot of opportunities to dress up, so I’m looking forward to a girly day where I get my hair, makeup and nails done. And a spray tan because by that time I will be my normal albino self. (Seriously, I’m very pale, so I’ll need some help in the color department.)

Back to the topic at hand…this crazy month.

So what else was crazy?

Well, even though the month isn’t quite over, I can say that I’ve had the best month sales-wise that I’ve ever had. I thought maybe I’d hit 500. But guess what? I waved psychotically as I drove right past it. And now here I sit, on the cusp of 1,500 sales for the month. Yes…1500! I’m like a kid all hopped on Pixie Sticks and Coke right now. I keep pinching myself because those numbers can’t be right. Right? But oh, they are.

After seeing this month’s amazing numbers, I’ve been contemplating what to make next month’s goal. I’m leaning towards 2,500. Yep, that’s a gain of 1,000, but you know what? I think I can do it. There’s nothing like a good challenge to fire me up, so bring it August. You’re going down.

Okay, I’ve rambled enough. It’s time for me to get working and writing. Yes, I’ve been writing…A LOT! But it’s been great. My creative juices have been flowing continuously and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon. So I’m going to keep listening to my muse, and clicking away on my keyboard.

Have a great weekend. Stay safe. And to all you writers out there…HAPPY WRITING!

You all have heard me talk about my children before. It’s safe to say I’m one proud momma. My kids mean everything to me, and I take great pride in their accomplishments.

One thing that makes me extremely happy is that my daughter is as creative as me, if not more so. She can draw extremely well, and I’ve been told if it keeps up she will find herself in Art Excel one day. In addition, she’s also quite the storyteller and has been for years, since she was two, in fact. I have many cherished memories inside of my head of various stories she’s made up. I’ll never forget them.

Yesterday I was going through some of her school papers from this past school year and came across an assignment of hers that had me roaring with laughter. And you’re about to see why because I’ve taken the time to type it up exactly as she has it written.

The assignment was to write a Cinderella story. Beyond that, what it included was entirely up to each child. My Mini Me definitely used her creative muscle.

Enjoy!

*

One day long ago there lived a piece of Mozzarella Cheese and 4 mean sisters. The sisters were pieces of Blue Cheese and it made them smell bad. On hot days they melted drops of blue cheese and they made Mozzarella Cheese clean up their melted blue cheese drops.

One day in the summer there was a dance at their school. So Mozzarella’s sisters asked their mother if they could could and they couldn’t. They got told if they did go they had to do all the dishes.

At 9:00 they snuck out to go. The Mozzarella Cheese got dressed to go when her sisters left to the dance.

At the dance the Mozzarella Cheese met a Marshmallow Prince and at 12:45 the Mozzarella Cheese was eating a golden cracker that the Marshmallow Prince gave her. Then she realized it was 12:45 and her and her mean sisters ran home because their mother would go in their room to check on them.

On the way Mozzarella dropped the golden cracker. The Marshmallow Prince found the golden cracker and left to see whose spit was the same. He found the Mozzarella Cheese and her spit was the same so they got married and lived happily ever after….as usual.

- By Mikala Ireland

I’m having one of those mornings where I’m filled with indecision — where I’m questioning whether or not I have the talent to do my fantasy novel justice. I wonder if I’m capable of creating a world that’s believable and one that others will fall in love with — one that others can immerse themselves in.

When I look at the worlds that authors like Jennifer Hudock, James Melzer, Allie Burke, Nick Denmon and Will Entrekin created in their stories, I can’t help but think, Can I write a story like these, one that is filled with detail and that captures the world inside my head? Do I have the talent a story like the one I’m writing needs? And I just don’t know. And that scares me.

For me, it’s easier to write a short story. I truly am proud of the two I’ve published. But novels are not the same. I’ve completed two over the years: The Obsession and Without Wings. To say my earlier attempts were less than stellar would be an understatement. I think The Obsession has the chance to be great, but it needs a lot of work, so I don’t know if I’ll ever rework it. Maybe one day.

So I guess the only thing I can do for now is to keep writing and hoping that the end result is what I want it to be. If you’d like to read the beginning of my fantasy novel, you can find it here. It’s in the very early stages, so very little has been done to it. Its edges are rough and definitely need some work, so please keep that in mind when reading it.

I have some news to report this morning. I just hit 150 sales total for my work, which is a big deal.

When I first started out on this journey, I didn’t know how long it would take to hit 50 sales, let alone 100 or 150. So sit down this morning and see that I’ve hit 150 was one of those teary-eyed moments that I won’t soon forget.

We all have moments of indecision where we question whether or not it’s worth to continue. Well, I can say it is worth it. You can’t give up. You have to keep pushing forward. You have to believe in yourself and what you’re doing. If you don’t, why should anyone else?

So stop doubting yourself!! That’s an order! (And don’t argue with me. You won’t win.)

Here’s to the 500 milestone. I can’t wait!

Oh yes, True Blood is back, and I, for one, could not be happier.

As you may recall, I was late jumping on the True Blood bandwagon, but thanks to Beans and a site I shall not name, I watched the first three seasons in record time a few short months ago. Since then, I’ve been chomping at the bit like all Truebies, waiting for season four to begin.

And now it has! SQUEE!

I’m not going to write a indepth recap of last night’s episode because it would take too long, and I’m lazy. Plus, momma has money to make so I’m just going to highlight some of the moments from the first episode.

• Sookie returns to fairyland where she refuses to partake of the light fruit. Anything that glows that much must have something wrong with it. (Personally, the whole light fruit thing reminded me of a scene from Percy Jackson. It wasn’t really a new concept.)
• While in fairyland, Sookie meets her granddaddy Earl, long thought to be lost.
• Things soon take a turn for the worst for Sookie, as so often happens. That girl is a shitstorm magnet.
• Sookie and GDaddy Earl return to Bon Temps where he dies because he ate the fruit and fairyland and wasn’t supposed to leave w/Sookie. She ends up crying in the cemetary…AGAIN! Girlfriend is so predictable.
• 12 1/2 months have passed in Bon Temps, which means a lot of shit has gone on.
• Jason sold Sookie’s house and is now a cop.
• Andy Bellefleur is hooked on V and is pissed over the amount of money spent trying to find Sookie when she disappeared.
• Bill and Eric show up at Sookie’s house after she returns, and Eric states he’s the only one that believed she’d come back.
• Lafayette and his boy toy Jesus make a visit to the Moon Goddess Emporium where he meets Marni, who channels Eddie, the vampire Lafayette once got V from. Weird, I know.
• Arlene and Terry got married and are now the proud parents of little Mikey who has a penchant for tearing the heads off of Barbie dolls.
• Jessica and Hoyt are still together but their relationship is a bit…stressed since Jessica only consumes blood and dammit, Hoyt wants some food…real food
• Tara is no longer in Bon Temps. She’s now living as a woman named Toni. But that’s not all! She’s also hooking up with…wait for it…a chick!
• Sam’s new group of friends are shapeshifters, one of whom is Luna, rumored to be his new love interest. After partaking of some wine, the four shapeshifters turn into…horses and gallop off into the night together, presumably for some freaky horse sex. Maybe.
• Tommy, Sam’s brother, who he shot last season, appears to have been taken in by Hoyt’s crazyass mother. Can you say odd?
• Portia Bellefleur meets with Sookie because Sookie wants to keep her house. (In the books Portia sounds way frumpier than she is on the show.)
• Pam attempts to record a PSA, but, well, she’s not exactly people-friendly so Eric jumps in and turns on the charm.
• One of the new witches, Katie, meets with the Vampire King…Bill..Hm, didn’t see that coming.
• Jason takes a trip to Hot Shot to deliver food. And gets conked on the head and shoved in a freezer.
• Sookie discovers that the new owner of her house is none other than Eric, which means he can come and go as he pleases. The look he gives her makes me PRAY PRAY PRAY that the shower scene between Eric and Sookie will be included this season. IT HAS TO BE!

And that’s a wrap.

(Side note: This post was supposed to be on Superficial Gallery, but Acadia forgot the convo we had about me writing a recap. In his defense, it was weeks ago, and his back has been hurting, so he was probably loaded up on pain meds. To check out his recap, which I admit is funny, click here.)

My 29th birthday isn’t until next Saturday, but I think it’s close enough that I can get away with this post.

I have to admit there were times in my teen years that I never thought I’d reach 20, let alone 29, but yet here I am, still going strong, so I look forward to what comes next. I look forward to what my future holds. And I hope the coming year is filled with great moments that I will remember for the rest of my life.

Each year I take a look back to at the things I’ve accomplished throughout the year. To say this past year has been one of the best, but also one of the hardest, would be an understatement of epic proportions. Those closest to me know the struggles I’ve faced over the past year. Some days have been easier to handle than others, but with the love and support of my friends and family, I’ve made it through another year. And I’ve managed to keep my sense of humor intact, as well as my sanity.

Well, the sanity part is debatable, I suppose. It depends on who you ask. There are a few of my friends that think I’m a little nutty for working as much as I do, but that’s who I am. I don’t do well with downtime. I can’t sit still and do nothing. I feel lazy when I do, so I have to have a full plate at all times. Call me an overachiever. Call me crazy. Call me whatever you want. I don’t care. I’m happy with the person I am. And it’s taken my long time to get to this point, but it’s nice being in a place where I finally know who I am. I’m happy with the person I’ve become. That’s not to say there’s still not room for improvement because I know I can always get better. And I will.

What have I accomplished this year?

A LOT!!!

I released my first novelette A Second Chance back on April 12th, I believe it was. This wasn’t my first time being published; I was included in the From the Dark Side Anthology. However, this time around felt like the first. I was filled with a giddy anticipation that similar to the feeling I use to get on Christmas morning.

A Second Chance underwent significant changes from its original incarnation which was included in FDSA. And whenever I look back on its growth, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I think it turned exactly as it was meant to. There isn’t one thing I wouldn’t change about it. NOT ONE!

In addition to A Second Chance, I also published a short story titled Sacrifice. This is another one that I’m very proud of. Sacrifice forced me to step outside my comfort zone and tackle a pretty difficult topic, and I think I did well with it. I know some have expressed disappointment over the fact it’s not a novel, but I feel like I told the story as I was meant to. And as long as I feel that, I’m okay. It’s when I don’t think I did a story justice that I worry.

This past year also saw the launch of Frugal Maine, a website dedicated towards helping out my fellow Maine residents who are looking for information on frugal and green living, cheap entertainment options in and around Maine, frugal reads, working from home, etc. I did take a hiatus from it for awhile to focus on my personal writing, but I’ve since returned to it. And with the help of one of my best friends, Acadia from Superficial Gallery, I think it’ll get to the point I want it at — a one-stop shop for all residents of Maine.

This year I also appeared on two episodes of Podcaturday, a weekly roundtable discussion between Jennifer and James Melzer and Acadia. While this may not seem like a big deal to some, for me it is. I’m actually incredibly shy, and I have issues with stage fright. Granted, I’m not in front of an audience when taking part in the show, but it does cause the same feelings of apprehension in me. I end up not saying much. My second time around, though, was better than my first, and I know in time I’ll become more comfortable with the entire process. And to be honest, I’m quite anxious to get to that point.

Hm, what else? I did have a few new jobs over the past year that unfortunately did not work out in the long run. But that’s okay because not all will.

I also started a few other side projects that I’m excited about, and I’m anxious to see how successful they turn out.

So that’s it, pretty much, in terms of this year’s accomplishments.

What have I learned over the past year?

This is pretty loaded question because I’ve learned a lot. And some of those lessons were not so pleasant.

1. Some people will always hurt you, no matter how much you wish it were different. So if you have to stay strong, no matter what, and keep telling yourself that things will eventually get better.
2. Sometimes you have to guard your heart in order to protect what matters most to you.
3. Sometimes you can only trust yourself to get things done. And sometimes that means leaving behind those that can’t keep up.
4. Sometimes you have to trust others, even if you’re scared to because not everyone in life will hurt you.
5. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and hope and pray that everything turns out exactly as it was meant to.
6. Some people truly do come into your life at certain times and for certain reasons. (While I’ve always known this, it was reinforced again this year.)
7. No one can make you feel inferior and not good enough, unless YOU allow them to. So don’t give anyone that power over you. EVER!

So that’s my past year in a nutshell. And here’s to the coming year and whatever it brings.