Nicole Smith

True Blood is Back…Oh Yeah!

Oh yes, True Blood is back, and I, for one, could not be happier.

As you may recall, I was late jumping on the True Blood bandwagon, but thanks to Beans and a site I shall not name, I watched the first three seasons in record time a few short months ago. Since then, I’ve been chomping at the bit like all Truebies, waiting for season four to begin.

And now it has! SQUEE!

I’m not going to write a indepth recap of last night’s episode because it would take too long, and I’m lazy. Plus, momma has money to make so I’m just going to highlight some of the moments from the first episode.

• Sookie returns to fairyland where she refuses to partake of the light fruit. Anything that glows that much must have something wrong with it. (Personally, the whole light fruit thing reminded me of a scene from Percy Jackson. It wasn’t really a new concept.)
• While in fairyland, Sookie meets her granddaddy Earl, long thought to be lost.
• Things soon take a turn for the worst for Sookie, as so often happens. That girl is a shitstorm magnet.
• Sookie and GDaddy Earl return to Bon Temps where he dies because he ate the fruit and fairyland and wasn’t supposed to leave w/Sookie. She ends up crying in the cemetary…AGAIN! Girlfriend is so predictable.
• 12 1/2 months have passed in Bon Temps, which means a lot of shit has gone on.
• Jason sold Sookie’s house and is now a cop.
• Andy Bellefleur is hooked on V and is pissed over the amount of money spent trying to find Sookie when she disappeared.
• Bill and Eric show up at Sookie’s house after she returns, and Eric states he’s the only one that believed she’d come back.
• Lafayette and his boy toy Jesus make a visit to the Moon Goddess Emporium where he meets Marni, who channels Eddie, the vampire Lafayette once got V from. Weird, I know.
• Arlene and Terry got married and are now the proud parents of little Mikey who has a penchant for tearing the heads off of Barbie dolls.
• Jessica and Hoyt are still together but their relationship is a bit…stressed since Jessica only consumes blood and dammit, Hoyt wants some food…real food
• Tara is no longer in Bon Temps. She’s now living as a woman named Toni. But that’s not all! She’s also hooking up with…wait for it…a chick!
• Sam’s new group of friends are shapeshifters, one of whom is Luna, rumored to be his new love interest. After partaking of some wine, the four shapeshifters turn into…horses and gallop off into the night together, presumably for some freaky horse sex. Maybe.
• Tommy, Sam’s brother, who he shot last season, appears to have been taken in by Hoyt’s crazyass mother. Can you say odd?
• Portia Bellefleur meets with Sookie because Sookie wants to keep her house. (In the books Portia sounds way frumpier than she is on the show.)
• Pam attempts to record a PSA, but, well, she’s not exactly people-friendly so Eric jumps in and turns on the charm.
• One of the new witches, Katie, meets with the Vampire King…Bill..Hm, didn’t see that coming.
• Jason takes a trip to Hot Shot to deliver food. And gets conked on the head and shoved in a freezer.
• Sookie discovers that the new owner of her house is none other than Eric, which means he can come and go as he pleases. The look he gives her makes me PRAY PRAY PRAY that the shower scene between Eric and Sookie will be included this season. IT HAS TO BE!

And that’s a wrap.

(Side note: This post was supposed to be on Superficial Gallery, but Acadia forgot the convo we had about me writing a recap. In his defense, it was weeks ago, and his back has been hurting, so he was probably loaded up on pain meds. To check out his recap, which I admit is funny, click here.)